Written for the July 2000 issue of Satellite ORBIT, this story is basically a list. Its purpose is/was to tell DirecTV subscribers about a whole class of channels and programming they are/were lucky enough to get because they subscribe(d) to DirecTV. I did a story like this every month for years. I post it here because, in re-reading it, I think it's a damn fine, clever way to make a list, and I'm kind of proud of it. Any editors scouring this blog, be advised, I'd be happy to do things like this for you, too. Just post a comment down below.
Money Games
DIRECTV's business-news channels have no shortage of hot stock tips.
by Simon Bourne
For the investor looking to make a quick killing in Wall Street, these channels--CNBC (ch. 355), CNNfi (ch. 358) and Bloomberg TV (ch. 353)--are must viewing. They aren't fancy, just a parade of talking heads talking (much too quickly) about stocks with the same passion, and devotion to statistics, that sports fans use when they talk baseball, while underneath the picture, the ticker rattles along like a breakaway freight train. Every so often, a host on CNBC will take off his suit jacket, and Bloomberg has so much other information on the screen that it's like watching the home page of a website, but otherwise, they are pretty much alike. In a given day, the same CEO's will show up as guests on all of them. And, to make sure you understand that Wall Street is a game, they even have pre-game shows, like CNBC's Squawk Box , that preview the day's trading before the bell sounds.
Much like any sports show, these are full of predictions. On this particular Tuesday, the buzz is all about Lycos, the Internet portal, which is expected to be gobbled up by the Spanish telephone giant Telefรณnica. Meanwhile, storm clouds are gathering over Coca Cola Enterprises, which will report 2nd quarter earnings of 50¢ a share (the Market expected 71¢) … one brokerage house (this one went by so fast you couldn't hear who) thinks Genzyme Molecular is going to move … the CEO of Brocade Communications is on every channel, saying his NASDAQ-listed firm is making money (most don't), and whatever it is they do is interest-rate immune. An hour later, Bloomberg says that Prince Walid bin Talal, nephew of the Saudi king, is investing $1 billion in 15 U.S. stocks, including Amazon.com, WorldCom and eBay. … and everyone's waiting on the Fed. Word is the rise will be 50 basis points, the biggest single hike since 1991. Cue the heavy breathing …
These shows do not reach massive audiences. CNBC, the most-watched of them, probably gets about 300,000 viewers at any moment. However, they do reach a very desirable audience for all the Internet brokers and computer companies who advertise on them non-stop, and they are profitable, especially CNBC, whose earnings are on pace to eclipse those of the broadcast network.
Nor are these shows aimed at the concerned citizen trying to make practical investment decisions about retirement or socking away money for the kids' tuition. These shows are so deep into the forest all they can see are the trees. Financial author Andrew Tobias ("The Only Investment Guide You'll Ever Need") hits it right on the head when he says, "The immediacy of TV investment reporting is just what the long-term, thoughtful investor probably does not need. But there are certainly a lot of bright, engaging folks on those programs, and they're a lot more interesting than the folks on QVC."
Still, if you look hard enough, there are places on the dial that take a less immediate view of things. ZDTV (ch. 354) has such a show in The Money Machine (weekdays at 1:30 & 4:30 p.m. ET). Engaging, and opinionated, hosts Pam Krueger and Carmine Gallo can show you the micro solutions, like how to get a good rate on a car loan, as well as some macro tips, like avoid B2B website stocks and--whatever you do--steer clear of penny stocks (what Gallo calls, "the toxic waste dump of the market").
Sound advice is also the hallmark of TV's longest-running investment program, good, gray PBS's good, gray Wall $treet Week. Host Louis Rukeyser has been crossing swords with the bears since Nixon was President: "If you want horror stories, read Stephen King," Rukeyser quipped in a recent commentary on the April downturn in Internet issues. "If you want to make money, treat these habitual pessimists with the total disrespect their awful records merit." The Rukeyser take on investing: be patient and stay bullish--"when the going gets tough, go to a movie [because] the economic fundamentals are still terrific--and that's what counts in the end."
Meanwhile over on CNBC, the Fed dropped its 50 basis points bomb at 2:05 in the afternoon, and the Dow lost 100 points in the blink of the eye. At which point, the small investors went back into the market. ("The best thing going for the small investor," intones Rukeyser, is "the stupidity of the large ones.") And at the closing bell, the Dow was up 126.79 and even the volatile NASDAQ was up 109.92. High interest rates are bad for stock prices.
And among the trees--well, Lycos was up 11. So was Brocade Communications. Genzyme Molecular made 2.81. Coca Cola Enterprises lost 30% of its value. Oh, yeah, the Prince had a good day, too. His little portfolio was up 26.56. Alan Greenspan was not available for comment.
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Simon Bourne last wrote for Satellite DIRECT on The Travel Channel.
There is no Simon Bourne; I'm Simon Bourne. But I probably had another feature story in that month's issue, and rather than have it look as if one guy was writing the whole comic, I always filed the second story under a nom de plume. We did that at TV Guide, too. I knew a girl there who had the best pen name I ever encountered: Erica Blair.
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